Monthly News Letter (May Conclusion)

Exhibit Minecraft
Monthly News Letter

Issued: 01-06-2017
May Conclusion

Written by Mondeo
As forced to suggested by Origin

- Introduction
- Crew Nights: events, winners, new arrivals and honourable mentions
- Monthly Votes
- Insider Discount
- Mondeo's Monthly Pointer

F*ck me I'm still doing this? I thought this idea would fall flat on it's face quicker than Shia Labeoufs new Film. (I mean did you read about that? It raised £4 in the UK box office. IT SOLD ONE TICKET. LIKE COME ON Shia Labeouf, THAT'S NOT HOW TO JUST DO IT*.
I Bloody love Shia too.
I'm still pretty annoyed I'm still doing this. Deadbang in the middle of the exam season, haven't been awake for more than 3 hours yet, and I have to write a god damn news letter. I feel like a slave.

Crew Nights, events, winners, new arrivals and honourable mentions

Crew Night 6/05/2017
The First Crew night of May! You know how I said i'd write everything we done on the crew night down? Yeah I didn't. I have no clue what we actually did. We probably did Bread Wars. There was probably a bunch of problems. BikiniDuck probably won. Were you present?
I think this is the Crew Night that Scarlet built a massive blue swastika**.
No award was given since I don't know who won.
You guys can't just blame me though, zman and Shane are a part of it too. Blame them.

Crew Night 13/05/2017
The Second Crew night of May! I actually know what we did this time!
So first off I'd like to give a shout out to Anuniversena for returning to eM! We're so psyched to have you back, we really all missed you! She returned the day before Crew night, but it was still worth an honourable mention.
So, what did we do this crew night? We did, you guessed it; BREAD WARS. I feel like a vegan inside. Except this day wasn't just a regular Bread Wars. It was full of betrayal and anger (mainly from me) and stubbornness (mainly from me) and love (mainly from Anna and Lexi, i'll get on to that later)
So I'll give you the down low. Jack was on Lexi's team, but there's somethin' dodge going on with them because Jack killed himself straight off the bat. To be honest, i'd do the same if I were on her team.
I should probably mention, as soon as Jack killed himself, I kinda felt sorry for Satan***, so I joined her team instead so she'd have a fair chance. Since the other teams were OP as hell, I decided we should team with Llama and Jack. So, we went around and killed everyone and everything like we were the British Empire. I mean legit. We shat on everything. ANYHOW. Toward the end, I told Satan we should turn on Llama and Jack, because we wanted Anna to win because it's Anna and she's a legend. But since Satan's Satan, she said "Kill Jack but not Llama" which was totally rude. I KNOW RIGHT? I LIKE JACK TOO. Nethertheless I knocked him off (Sorry Jack)****
I kept begging Satan if I could kill Llama, because yannoe, she had to go. Satan kept saying No, and eventually Llama just jumped into the void like Tom Daley and killed herself*****.
So then, as I said, I wanted Anna to win, I said me and Satan needs to PvP. As I said this, I was sorting out my inventory. As I was sorting out my inventory, f*cking Satan decided to attack me. LIKE. NO WARNING. HOW UNFAIR IS THAT? NOT COOL. AT ALL. So I died. Now it was Satan Vs. Anna.
Okay, can you see what I did here. I started a new paragraph. You know what, ima indent this new paragraph.
    Okay  you know what, I won't even stop at indenting it. I'm going to add a horizontal rule too.

    Okay, Indentation and a horizontal rule. This is how f*cking serious this next bit is right. SO. THERE'S TWO PLAYERS LEFT. DIFFERENT TEAMS. THEY'RE SUPPORTS TO KILL EACH OTHER RIGHT? NOPE. Lexi and Anna being hippie af decided "WE WON'T KILL EACH OTHER, WE'LL DO A HUNGER GAMES AND WE'LL WIN TOGETHER." Like lmfao. You think i'd let both of you win. HAHAHAHA. So Lexi started saying cringe ass shit like "You're the Peeta to my Katniss" and I was saying stuff like "you're the g to my ay" ****** to which responded "you're the st to my fu" which was sassy. I mean, applaud to that.
Anyway, these two kiddo's wouldn't kill each other. I found this very rude. As a result, I decided to make a huge shit ton of torture contraptions. Ones where one player could decided to kill themselves and save the other, or kill the other and save themselves. This did not work. Why? I kept using shit like stone and wood. Blocks they can break. They just kept breaking and breaking all my shit. Rude. I could technically ban you guys for grieving. I should do that.******* Eventually I made a contraption that worked. Ish. Lexi died, Anna survived. CONGRATULATIONS ANNA, YOU KILLED LEXI! But that's okay, she's Satan, she's immortal. (Which is bad.)

On the 13th it was BurgerkingD's birthday! He finally turned 12! I'm joking, He's 15. Due to his birthday, we let him go berserk in the PvP arena and let everyone kill him.
I've never seen our playerbase so excited to get BurgerkingD's blood on their hands.
Since it was his birthday, I gave spawned him 25 diamonds. Hey if it's your birthday on crew night, then you can ask for them too.

Crew Night of 20/05/2017
This crew night, guess what we did? Bread Wars!
Sike! We didn't. I know right? It's like Kim Kardashian actually kept her arse in her trousers for once. So this crew night, we actually hosted UHC, in otherwords; Ultra Hard Core! There was a massive arena, 250x250 or 500x500. I have no idea. ONE OF THE TWO. Ultra Hard Core is a game mode where there is no natural regeneration. If you wish to regen, you have to have a golden apple.
The thing that made me laugh right off the bat was Llama and Burger. They just made a little wheat farm. For UHC. ... ?????????????????? PvP was starting in 10 minutes, and they made a farm. ????????????????
So after PvP started, some groups where kitted out with Diamond Armour and stuff. Shane's group? Nope. They got slaughtered. Well FunFlame killed himself by swimming in lava. I guess you could say... he had fun... with the flames. ********
Whilst Wheel Shaker and his buddy went to attack Shane's group, Shane pegged it and left Lexi for dead. NICE ONE. REAL GENTLEMAN LIKE.
Shane some how lost the two by bottling it as if he were me and I have angered Joe for not writing the Monthly Newsletter within 5 f*cking minutes.*********
Eventually, Wheel Shaker and his buddy found Shane and Shane died. Then, since the event lasted far too long (about an hour and a half) I just teleported everyone into the middle and let them have a Death Match. Wheel Shaker was the last man standing (his buddy didn't make it).

Crew Night of 27/05/2017
This crew night went horrible. I aint even gon' lie. We hosted an event that was shocking. (HEY GUYS YOU VOTED TO PLAY IT, I DIDN'T WANT TO, BUT YOU DID IT SO). It took a good hour to do it. Which was funny, because we stopped half way and played Bread Wars (heh. Heh. Totally surprising doing that). Again, BikiniDuck won.
Since I thought this was kind of unfair, I decided HEY. LETS DO ANOTHER EVENT. EVERYONE VERSUS BIKINIDUCK. AND GUESS WHO WON? lol Duck killed everyone in the PvP Arena.

Monthly Votes

So who won this month? Sikkietachio and Mathais! (If I spelled him name right, it's a bit dodge) won with a full house! He hit all 31 days! Congratulations!
Due to this win, Sikkie gets a 50% voucher off any ONE item in the store!  Don't be irresponsible with it!

Insider Discount
This month, what discount do Insiders get?
For all Insiders, there is a 7.5% reduction in all items in the eM store! Happy Shopping!

Mondeo's Monthly Pointer
When in doubt, do some Maths.

* :
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** : eM does not support the nazi regime, nor any fascist group.
*** : The word "Satan" is synonyms with "Lexi"
**** : Jack being Revv and no x_Azul_x
***** : We do not support suicide in any shape way or form. Unless you're Joe. Eh.
****** : I am not homophobic in any shape way or form. Just slipped out. Soz.
******* : I won't ban you guys.
******** :

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