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Monthly News Letter (July Conclusion)
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Exhibit Minecraft
Monthly News Letter



Issued: 01-08-2017
July Conclusion

Written by Mondeo
As forced to suggested by Origin




Contents
- Introduction
- Crew Nights: events, winners, new arrivals and honourable mentions
- Monthly Votes
- Insider Discount
- I get emotional
- Mondeo's Poppin' Puns
- Mondeo's Monthly Pointer



Introduction

Okay so usually with the monthly newsletter I usually say how much I hate writing it and relate it to some dumb analogy and what not, how much it makes me want to tear out my f*cking hair. In all honesty it's not bad at all, I enjoy writing and I like the feedback I get, people seem to enjoy it, I guess. Either that or Joe sits there mashing F5 to refresh the page so it looks like I get loads of views so i'm not turned off from writing.
ANYWAY, TO THE POINT. It's currently 2:31 AM. Everyone is going to sleep, my sister is going to be religiously married in about 18 hours. Everyone's peacefully doing their z's. And i'm here. On my laptop. On the floor (i'm sleeping on the floor tonight) writing a f*cking article on a minecraft server. ISN'T MY LIFE JUST FANTASTIC. You want to know what's funnier? I already wrote this introduction before. I was half way through the newsletter. I'm sleeping on the floor and sharing it with my cousin because there's a bunch of people around. He rolls over in his sleep, lands on my mouse, which some how simultaneously moves to the close button and closes Chrome. HE DELETED ALL OF MY F*CKING WORK AND OH MY F*CKING GOD.[*1]
Calm thoughts. Happy thoughts. Thoughts of Lexi's pup in a cup. Y'all seen that picture? It's good. It's happy.
Anyway, it's late, i'm tired. I've been up since 9:30AM the day before so if there's a typo, it's probably because my eye-lids are dropping harder than eM's player count. (I'm sure it'll rise again, hopefully.)



Crew Nights: events, winners, new arrivals and honourable mentions

Crew night of 01/07/2017
For this Crew Night, me and Shane hosted a Spleef Tournament. Hours before the event, we got to creating an arena for it. We planned for 8 people (The average amount of players expected to join). Each player was going to fight each player in a 1 on 1, and will win a point if they win. Did this preparation work? Asking this question is like asking if "10+2 = 13" or "Is the earth round?" or even "Is Lazy Camel mentally stable?"[*2]. So what actually happened?
We planned for 8. 13 showed up. 11 were actually in event mode and 2 were not, which made our night even worse to host. Myself and Shane decided to try and quickly cater for the extra 3 players (As we thought there were 11 and not 13) and this made the delay for 5 minutes.[*3].
When we finally got around to playing, we managed to make it through 4 games. 4 f*cking games. Each game lasted probably what? 6 seconds? I'VE HAD FARTS THAT LASTED LONGER THAN 4 F*CKING SPLEEF GAMES.
Players were getting pissed. I was beginning to lose the will to live (much like I am now), so Shane decided to spawn in a bunch of snow blocks, 5 layers deep and we said "F*CK IT. EVERYBODY DO A MASSIVE SPLEEF BATTLE. GO!"
Long story short, Kool Krafter won a Golden Spleef spoon:

[Image: 6f8a6fadf2.jpg]

Crew night of 08/07/2017
In this event, we decided to host a Survival Games. What is Survival Games you ask? It's Hunger Games pretty much. We made a cornucopia[*4] at the  center of the map and a ring around it where players spawn. There were chests everywhere. The battle started, and it was pretty uninteresting. Players were dropping like flies, mainly because BikiniDuck (now known as CplWotjek) gained access to a sword. We all know what BikiniDuck can do when he's got a f*cking sword. Of course he won, and he won the following item:

[Image: dc89050f73.jpg]
[Image: a7adcb9363.jpg]


Crew night of 15/07/2017
For the 3rd crew night of July, we decided to something very unique; Ultra Hard Core (I know right, at least it's not f*cking Bread Wars)[*5]. This Ultra Hard Core, CplWotjek was helping me. It was kind of funny just watching people getting close together and me and Wotjek was just like "OOOH. OOOH" and then watching LazyCamel's lonely arse behind slaughtered by Rae and Tiny.[*6]. ANYHOW... Sometime near the end, a couple of minutes left until death-match, Rae decided to give a Creeper a hug. Obviously the Creeper got REAAAAALLY f*cking triggered and blew up like a horny boy over a fit girl.[*7]. Rae instantly died, almost as if the horny boy took her out with a red di-... Ahem.
Toward the end, it was Tiny, XploderB and Lionehh left. XploderB and Lionehh were on teams, heads rammed up each others behind like a human centipede. Deathmatch came, Lionehh and Plode were ready. Tiny was ready. The platforms raised and Lionehh consumed a Golden Apple. The duo ran at Tiny ready to destroy her.
XploderB took a swing.
He missed because he's sh*t at PvP.
Lionehh took a swing. It landed.
Nothing happened.
Confusion struck.
I forgot to f*cking turn off PvP again. DAMNIT MONDEO.
I quickly reset everything and gave Lionehh a god damn Golden Apple back because of his consistent b*tching. The PvP began again and long story short, Tiny died. She almost killed Lionehh though, but you know.
The item given was[*8]:

[Image: be193edec0.jpg]
[Image: b85030a60a.jpg]

Crew night of 22/07/2017
This event introduced a new event, called Sumo. The premise of it was to knock people off with a Knockback II Stick. There were three layers, the first layer was the smallest, and where everyone started. The second was the second biggest, and the last one was the largest.
The last (wo)man standing on the top layer wins first place, the second layer wins second place and so on.
So how do you think it worked out?
F*cking dreadful?
YOU WRONG. IT WENT AMAZING.
IT WAS THE FIRST TIME AN EVENT DIDN'T ACTUALLY GO HORRIFICALLY BAD. I WAS SURPRISED LIKE "AYYYYYYYYYYY MONDEO YOU SICK AF DAWG"
We did two rounds. The first round was armoured (players had armour) second round was not armoured, and the final round was armoured. The final round also was the important round, the player who won the final round, won the event trophy.
So, it worked out like this:

1st Round
1st Place – Lionehh
2nd Place - ZachMC
3rd Place – Larry

2nd round
1st Place – Tiny
2nd Place – I don't remember xd
3rd Place – Larry

Final Round
1st Place – Larry
2nd Place – zRae
3rd Place – No One

So why did No One win third place? Lionehh and Tiny were teaming. They had these keywords which were "Pans" and "Cacti" I got triggered so I said "NO. NO ONE WINS. YOU DISGUST ME."

The item Larry won:

[Image: 1a19d7a03a.jpg]
[Image: 573c3afb78.jpg]

Crew night of 28/07/2017
So I wasn't on Crew Night this time, because I was sorting out wedding stuff. Ish. Kind of. Nevermind that[*9].
Anyway, Joe took over for this one, and he did UHC because that requires no effort at all.
Funny thing, that quote: "no effort at all." Apparently using no effort at all is too much for Poor lil' Joe. Joe managed to f*ck it up, very bad.
So 40 mins into the game, he decided to make the area smaller. He was using world edit. Joe + World Edit = Arma-f*cking-geddon. Instead of creating walls, he set the ENTIRE area as barrier blocks. He didn't realise because apparently he doesn't see what he types and barriers are invisible. He teleported everyone in and they all suffocated.
To my knowledge XploderB was triggered. He had full Diamond Gear so he got f*cked over like minorities in America[*10]. So, who won? I don't know, no one cares, lets move on I'm tired as hell.
(I think it was Shane but no one cares about)



Monthly Votes
Obviously Mathias won. He's got a one time use for 50% off ANYTHING on the store.



Insider Discount
5% off every item in the store! Get shoppin' lads and laddetes.



I get emotional
So, if you were on Discord sometime last month you would've noticed this. Discord got really lit for like, 2-3 hours. Afterwards we got really emotional, and started talking about eM and what it meant for us.
For me, it meant this:

[Image: ef58364447.png]



Mondeo's Poppin' Puns
Remember that you MATTER. Except when you multiply yourself by c squared, then you energy.



Mondeo's Monthly Pointer
Here's a quote to remind you of something:
If I were to ask you How heavy is a glass of water? What would your answer be? 8 oz? Maybe 12 oz?
Absolute weight doesn’t matter really. It depends on how long you hold it. If you hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If you hold it for an hour, you’ll have an ache in your arm. If you hold it for a day, your arm will feel numb, it may feel paralyzed or it fall off (or so I’m told). In each case, the weight of the water doesn’t change, but the longer it’s held, the heavier it feels.
The cup is like stress. The problem may never increase, but the more you leave it, the heavier it feels.
Remember to put the cup down.


Disclaimers
[*1]: I was really triggered. I'm not even f*cking joking he deleted it all. At 2AM. Man I was so mad.
[*2]: I'm sure Camel's not mentally stable. But if he is, we've got you Camel.
[*3]: And by 5 minutes, I mean 10. And by 10, I mean 20.
[*4]: I probably spelled it wrong. But it's a center piece where people spawn around. It wasn't THAT attractive.
[*5]: Actually I miss Bread Wars. We haven't done it in a while.
[*6]: It was pretty funny ngl. He was just chilling and mining and then he got his back doors smas-... he got killed. Ahem.
[*7]: #Lionehh.
[*8]: SO LIONEHH AND XPLODERB STARTED B*TCHING ABOUT THE TROPHY. WHAT'S A TROPHY MEANT TO DO? NOTHING. IT'S A GOD DAMN TROPHY. YOU HANG IT UP AND SHOW IT OFF TO THE COUSINS THAT COME AROUND BECAUSE THEY'RE ALWAYS BETTER THAN YOU AND ALWAYS GET THE GOOD STUFF. SO YOU SHOW THEM YOUR PARTICIPATION TROPHY AND THEY COULDN'T GIVE A DAMN BUT ACT NICE. IT'S LIKE THAT. I don't speak from experience, at all.
[*9]: By Wedding preparations, nothing happened on that day. I thought it was, but it didn't.
[*10]: This is a joke pls don't get triggered.



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